Top Ten Reasons

Pinky and The Brain,
I tried originally to publish this in the LANL Reader's Forum but it was
rejected on the grounds of being 'counterproductive whining veiled as
humor'.


Top 10 reasons not to be negative about the new security checkpoint

In the past several months, I'd heard many complaints about the new security
checkpoints at the Diamond Dr-Jemez Rd intersection. In an attempt to
discourage this unpleasant negativity, I present the top 10 reasons why we
should not be negative about this:

10) It's not necessary. If people don't like the new security checkpoint,
no-one is forcing them to drive through it. They can find a different job
without these security checkpoints.

9) No-one is entitled to complain about their commute because other people have
worse commutes than all of us here at the lab. The only person entitled to
complain about their commute is the single person with the worst commute in the
world. And I happen to know that guy; he rides a flatuent camel over a snowy
pass between Kazahkstan and Azerbaijan and is full-body cavity searched every
day at the border just to work for pennies a day to feed his starving children.
And he doesn't complain, so neither should you! Even should the lab add
full-body cavity searches, so long as we're not on camels, we should submit
without complaint. Complaining when other people have it worse just makes us
look spoiled.

8) Complaining at the lab is clearly ineffective. You're just making
unpleasant noise for the rest of us.

7) Other corporations such as WalMart and McDonalds also have security
checkpoints. Since they do, it must be OK. QED!

6) No false positives.

5) Longer commute means warmer winters and richer Saudis.

4) Based on sound science.

3) WalMart has greeters. Now so do we.

2) ... next ... next ... next ... next ...

and, finally, the number one reason not to be negative about the new
security checkpoint:

1) Instead of being negative, we should focus on the positive: These
new security checkpoints have absolutely eliminated any possibility whatsoever
that a terrorist smuggles in a bomb on the passenger seat!