Oct 14, 2009

Sexual Harassment "Cliff's Notes"

Hi Pinky,
This email was making the rounds Friday. My guess is that Rich Marquez asked for this cheat sheet to be developed for his own use.
-Anonymous

Sexual harassment prevention training is required for all LANS employees. Employees and managers who have not yet taken the initial online training need to do so by October 31. (Contractors do not need to take this training.)

Attached above are “cliff notes” [click to view] to assist you when you are taking the quiz at the end of the training. Please note this training is taking people approximately 2 hours and the quiz pass rate on the first attempt is extremely low. (Print the “cliff notes/cheat sheet” before taking the quiz they may help you pass on the first attempt.)
Anonymous,
Could you forward the Cliff's Notes for ethics training too?
Thanks,
Frank (aka Pinky)

73 comments:

Anonymous said...

I swear I have seen those actors in some adult films before.

Anonymous said...

No, I heard they had to provide the answers to Sir Richard of the Sexual Harassment Order. I also understand from a personal friend that Sir Richard is very active on the on-line dating services. I know a few woman in town who have indicated Sir Richard calling them for a date. Watch out ladies we have a "wild and crazy guy" in the LANS Director's Office!

qgrrrl said...

"[T]he quiz pass rate on the first attempt is extremely low."

Sorry for the trite comment, but WTF????

Anonymous said...

Well you see, qgrrrl, it's like this: sexual harassment, or the rights thereto, have been a long upheld perk within DOE, and particular, LANL, especially since the addition of Rich Marquez to our illustrious managerial staff.

So, you see, actually *passing* a sexual harassment test that was designed to illustrate that sexual harassment is *wrong* is an entirely new concept here.

Hence the Cliff Notes.

Anonymous said...

"[T]he quiz pass rate on the first attempt is extremely low."

The test is very very poorly worded. By the way the fail rate for men and women are the same. In the end you learn nothing. I felt embarrassed that I work at a place that uses this. It is very hard to watch it since it is so dull and mind blowing stupid that it is impossible to pain attention. It is so stupid that you get creeped out when you do pay attention. Imagine a world where no one has an IQ above 50, this is for that world. You sort of get this sinking feeling that apocalypse has really come and that we are all just livestock for aliens to eat and they send us this training to make our brains softer
for better taste. How can the people who make this video live with themselves? How can management see this and think it is useful? It really makes more sense if it is the aliens.

Anonymous said...

The "course" is moronic and the test questions are purposely obtuse. Plus there are all kinds of workplace harassment besides sexual, which is probably the least common at LANL... Let's talk about cultural and religious harassment for those of us who don't trek to Chimayo at easter or attend jesus parties.

Anonymous said...

8:03,

Wrongo. The real religious harassment at LANL is still from the Mormon component of our community that is continuing their attempt at a power grab within the lab. Remember Jim Jackson? His cause lives on.

Anonymous said...

Let's talk about cultural and religious harassment for those of us who don't trek to Chimayo at easter or attend jesus parties.

10/14/09 8:03 PM

Well, you just harrassed them right back with that comment. Congratulations, hypocrit.

Anonymous said...

I wonder how many of the new Bechtelians are Mormons.

Anonymous said...

"I wonder how many of the new Bechtelians are Mormons."

It doesn't matter if you belong to the "Jesus On The Cross" cult, or the "Joe Smith and His Magical Rose Colored Glasses" cult. Either way you have a tiny, narrow little mind and really are not worth wasting any time over. If LANL finds itself dominated one or the other of those cults, well: does the word "Sheeple" mean anything to you?

Racism, sexual harassment, religious bigotry, incompetence: LANL has it all.

Anonymous said...

The goal of the "course" is to provide a legal cover for LANS. If someone somewhere in the Lab files a complaint, the management will turn around and say: "Well, we did our part, we made them all take training on sexual harassment prevention."

Again, the only point is to absolve LANS from liability in the future. The contents of the course are more or less unimportant. It's a pity though "the course" is so poorly done. Maybe LANS chose this particular training company as the cheapest provider. ("Best business practices", remember?)

Mike Anastasio said...

Hey,

The only religion that dominates LANL these days is the religion of corporate greed. Compliance. PBIs, baby. Big bonuses. That's what we worship here.

You can have your pissy-ant Ash Wednesdays, and you can wear that stupid Garment to work if you want. Just don't let it get in the way of my bonus.

Oh, and try not to do any science -- it's distracting.

--Mikey

Anonymous said...

Cliff Notes for executive management so they don't have to carefully sit through this tedious training course?

Yet another vivid example of LANS' hypocritical "Do as I say, not as I do" mentality.

Mike Anastasio should be ashamed of himself, but shame is a concept that is obviously foreign to him.

Anonymous said...

At what point does LANS upper management begin to implode due to their immense volume of ethical dishonesty? Surely, it most be close to critical mass by now!

Anonymous said...

8:02 PM wrote "The test is very very poorly worded. By the way the fail rate for men and women are the same. In the end you learn nothing."

How do you know these stats and what is your point? I am a woman and I got a 100% right one. Please explain.

Anonymous said...

8:03,

To follow up on 8:17 PM. Wrongo, 8:03, The real harassment at LANL is from the male component of our community towards women. Terry Wallace's cause is an active source of legal issues at LANL. His legacy after someone has the balls to fight him will live on and the resulting lawsuit will hurt this lab.

Anonymous said...

"I am a woman and I got a 100% right one. Please explain."

By random chance some people will score 100% the first time so you should not read much into it.

Anonymous said...

At what point does LANS upper management begin to implode due to their immense volume of ethical dishonesty? Surely, it most be close to critical mass by now!

10/14/09 10:00 PM

You must be kidding, As a scientist, please explain what natural force would cause this to happen? You sound extremely naive about human failures, and the rewards thererof. And, please stop calling me Shirley.

Anonymous said...

I don't need no sexual harrassment training. I already know how to do it.

Richard "The Big Dick" Marquez

Anonymous said...

"I am a woman and I got a 100% right one."

The overall format of the test is designed for the illiterate, which might explain why you scored so well.

Anonymous said...

5:25 AM got the upper management's attitude right. They don't think they need the training that the pee-ons need. Just remember all the cover ups we hear about that happen at that level.

Anonymous said...

"The overall format of the test is designed for the illiterate..."


What did you expect? The test was designed for a construction company.

Anonymous said...

Richard Marquez is king of the sexual harassers. And kings, as we know, follow no rules.

Anonymous said...

Never even crossed my mind to use my cell phone to photograph the secretary's butt as she bends over to pick up a staple. Imagine what Sir Marquez has stored on his cell.

Anonymous said...

LANL currently has a picture of a smiling Richard Marquez at the bottom of the lab's front web page. I guess we know what he's smiling about.

Come to think of it, LANS has been plastering the lab's front web page with lots of pictures of smiling faces. I guess it's all part of some weird LANS/Bechtel morale boosting campaign.

Anonymous said...

Do our LANS top executives also get special Cliff Notes to help them pass the online security courses, too?

Anonymous said...

John Mitchell took his computer security training course online, at home. It is not clear if he had the LANS Computer Security Cliff Notes with him at the time, however, as his laptop accidentally fell into a large vat of hydrofluoric acid at about the same time he rediscovered his family.

Anonymous said...

LANS has become a sick joke!

Anonymous said...

LANS has become a sick joke!
--10/15/09 11:27 AM

With sick f***s running the place, it's no wonder. When you're the Director and you choose a well known sexual harasser as your #1, what does that say about you as the Director?

Anonymous said...

to 10/15/09 9:16

OMG you have failed not only the Sex Harassment test but the oft required Security test. When was the last time private cell phones were allowed in a secure area, god forbid the ones with cameras.

Anonymous said...

Notes? Who needs notes? Just click here and collect your course credit.

Anonymous said...

i failed it twice...who cares. i didn't realize you actually had to pay attention to the videos. honestly, i thought they were designed for entertainment purposes only. i watched most of the videos over again i enjoyed it so much.

sexual harassment is so subjective nowadays because of course everyone knows not to tell the secretary that she has a nice tight ass, but conversations among friends and managing to offend the office busybody overhearing...

Anonymous said...

of course everyone knows not to tell the secretary that she has a nice tight ass, but conversations among friends and managing to offend the office busybody overhearing...

10/15/09 8:46 PM

What?? Are you kidding?! You must be, right? I hope so, and I also hope you are just the random troglodyte you seem to be. You REALLY need this training.

Anonymous said...

Love the picture! Saw the same one up in LANS Director's Office except $$ signs were on the boobs.

Anonymous said...

That's right. You can have no friends here at LANS and we've installed an office busybody in every office just to make sure you comply.

Anonymous said...

C'mon 9:29 PM - we have group leaders like Kevin Ott (MPA-MC) who have forced every female TSM from his group and won't hire another. His DL is a woman who refers to the man as a masogynist. Still they keep him on and allow him to continue in this manner because he is a "valued employee" that brings in lots of money to LANL.

OK, so since he brings in lots of $$, we look the other way? These actions from above totally discount the purpose of this training so 9:29 PM, please pull your head out of your ass.

Like taxes, training only applies to the little people and not managers.

Anonymous said...

Any examples of the obtuse and confusing questions that were on the test? There have been a couple references to them, but nothing substantial to back up the claim.

Anonymous said...

FYI: For those of you (managers or employees)who think you can get credit for the sexual harassment course by just crypto-carding in as mentioned above, you will be identified as will your unethical behavior (i.e. attempting to cheat)because your test will show as incomplete and the time you spent in the course will reveal "0.00"

Anonymous said...

Do we have cliff's notes for passing a piss test??? I need that one really bad after this weekend. Random my ass, they know who they want to fire!

Anonymous said...

1:03 PM, interesting threat, but who in CT has the time (or the intellect) to run such an analysis?

Anonymous said...

10:08: "Random my ass, they know who they want to fire!"

Yes, we do! And thank you all for participating in our recent LANS "engagement" survey. We now know who you all are and will soon be coming after you. The "engagement" is being called off and divorce will follow.

- MIKEY

Anonymous said...

Looks like ORNL is getting a new chemistry and materials research building.

http://money.cnn.com/2009/10/16/news/economy/stimulus_jobs/index.htm?postversion=2009101616

Anonymous said...

Re: ORNL's new chemistry and materials laboratory -- can they do plutonium there? Sounds like ORNL's lab will be a lot less expensive than NNSA's CMMR. What with Bechtel, er, LANS being a for-profit M&O, and all.

Oh, and Batelle, not.

Anonymous said...

The DOE energy labs are all rock'n. The NNSA weapon labs... not so much.

Anonymous said...

Who cares about ORNL's expensive "fancy pants" new buildings, 6:32 pm...

...(Following spoken in the tones of Dr. Evil from the movie "Austin Powers")...

Congressman Ben Luu-haaaan saw to it that LANL got ** 1 MILLION DOLLARS (!!!) ** to become an environmental research park! Top that one!!!

Oh, and Mikey may soon be bringing in a little "Mini-Me" to help him carry out his evil schemes. He plans on constructing a time machine so he can go back to WWII and see to it that Oppie chooses Livermore for setting up the Manhattan project.

Bwaaa, haaa, haaa, haaa!

Anonymous said...

Dr. Evil (aka Mikey):

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. I have gathered here before me the world's deadliest assassins, and yet each of you has failed to kill off Los Alamos.

That makes me angry. And when Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset... people DIE!"

Anonymous said...

I'm confused. Is the training supposed to teach us how to sexually harass someone? That seems like the point of the video.

Anonymous said...

Time is running out for employees to take the LANL sexual harassment training. It will be interesting to see who doesn't complete the course in time and the consequences for non-compliance. You can bet that many of the lab's summer students who were suppose to take the course this summer probably never bothered.

Anonymous said...

"To sexually harass or not sexually harass...that is the question!"
--William Shakespeare Marquez

"Aww...go ahead. Have some fun!"
--Director Ewok

Anonymous said...

Half the people in my group have not taken this mickey mouse crap course yet.... what did LANS pay for this drek?

Anonymous said...

Half the people in my group have not taken this mickey mouse crap course yet.... what did LANS pay for this drek?

10/20/09 9:08 PM

It's "dreck," you schlemiel.

Anonymous said...

To wit 1:48 pm, ADs Neu and Seestrom wonder ... "why not me?"

Anonymous said...

They need to include something of the effect that gay and lesbian folks are just as susceptible of being the abuser

Anonymous said...

in the situation i am referring to i am not sure the offendor was actually homosexual / lesbian, or maybe just not out of the closet. their behavior made me extremely uncomfortable, and i was not convinced there was an avenue to address it.

if there has to be tolerance and equality, we need to consider all aspects.

Anonymous said...

Nice tits!

Anonymous said...

"Nice tits!" - 1:24 AM

Back to the online training for you, 1:24 am. Sounds like you need some remedial work. The proper phrase at LANL would be: "Great specimen of human female mammary glands!"

Anonymous said...

10/21/09 1:22 AM ... wrote, "in the situation i am referring to i am not sure the offendor was actually homosexual / lesbian, or maybe just not out of the closet. their behavior made me extremely uncomfortable, and i was not convinced there was an avenue to address it."

I hear you 1:22 AM, we had a flamer at TA-48 who was always flaunting his "gayness" in everyone's face and swagering his ass all over the place. I felt uncomfortable but had no means or mechanism for complaining. I told my group leader and he said that there was nothing we could do except wait for this postdoc to leave. He finally did this past August. There really needs to be equal rights for heterosexual men who feel uncomfortable by third party harassment from the eder-growing gay community at LANL.

Anonymous said...

" hear you 1:22 AM, we had a flamer at TA-48 who was always flaunting his "gayness" in everyone's face and swagering his ass all over the place. I felt uncomfortable but had no means or mechanism for complaining. I told my group leader and he said that there was nothing we could do except wait for this postdoc to leave. He finally did this past August. There really needs to be equal rights for heterosexual men who feel uncomfortable by third party harassment from the eder-growing gay community at LANL.

10/21/09 9:22 PM
"

Dude you are a real a-hole. Let me get this clear you felt uncomfortable because someone was gay???? What did he do to you? I can could understand if he was stalking you but if he was acting "gay" in your presence that it is your problem. I know this is trite but how can so called straight people feel uncomfortable around gay people? Gay people have to live around straight people all the time. Hey it is 2009 join the
new century.

Stick to what America is really about.

"It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods, or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.”

T Jefferson

Anonymous said...

"Nice tits!" - 1:24 AM

Back to the online training for you, 1:24 am. Sounds like you need some remedial work. The proper phrase at LANL would be: "Great specimen of human female mammary glands!"

10/21/09 11:45 AM


OK, how about "Holy Cow, check out those knockers!!!"

Anonymous said...

Dr. Evil (aka Mikey):

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. I have gathered here before me the world's deadliest assassins, and yet each of you has failed to kill off Los Alamos.

That makes me angry. And when Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset... people DIE!"

10/17/09 10:25 PM


Didn't you mean to say "that once Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset people are sexually harassed" ? Or, did I read between the lines wrong to interpret who Mr. Bigglesworth is, and what upset means?

Anonymous said...

I may be dating my self, but can we not discriminate by using the national secuirty mantra. I remember the days whenwe were told that if we had sex with a foreign national, we had to report it to security. Maybe gay and lesbian sex should fall under this review?

Or maybe we would be better off if a representative from security was there for every occurance of out of wedlock fornication?

Anonymous said...

Also kudos to the moderators of the board. Without intention, they put out eye candy back to back for anyone - a nice rack next to Arnie in a thong!

Anonymous said...

10/21/09 10:34 PM

I know this is trite but how can so called straight people feel uncomfortable around gay people?

Yes it is trite. Going to the restroom while they are looking at you is no different that going to the restroom with a woman looking at you. It is just wrong.

Anonymous said...

If gay and lesbians are to be equal in society then there should only be one locker room, one shower, one bathroom. Anything else is a double standard. They are pushing for equality - then let us have EQUALITY.

Anonymous said...

9:22 PM, just think, for every "flamer" you meet in your lifetime, there must be 5 or 10 others that you don't even realize are gay. Maybe you even shared some urinal time with a gay man today.

Heh heh heh...

Anonymous said...

You know 7:40 PM, interesting thing that men intentionally don't have urinal stalls. Women's toilets are all separated by stalls - we don't look at each other peeing, but men like to check each other out ... just can't be a gay guy looking at yer pee-pee, then it is somehow wrong.

Anonymous said...

7:40 pm: "Maybe you even shared some urinal time with a gay man today."

Maybe you are into sharing urinals. Me, I insist the next guy use his own. If he does, I'm not worried about catching whatever weird disease he has, gay or not.

Anonymous said...

This week, for the many workers and managers who haven't gotten around to taking their sexual harrassment training, several LANL organizations are offering an alternative 90-minute presentation that will fulfill the same requirement.

So, the people who actually made the effort to slog through the 2-3 hour online course and pass the quiz are the chumps here. If you'd just procrastinated, you'd be rewarded by the streamlined, quiz-free version of the training.

You get the behavior you reward, LANS. What are the chances anyone is going to take the next "mandatory training" requirement seriously?

Anonymous said...

No doubt about it... LANS is a sick, fucking joke! Way to go, Mikey. However, I doubt that most LANS upper managers will even bother to sit through the full 90 minute video presentation that was made for their convenience.

Anonymous said...

Richard Marquez gets an extra special 90 minute video to watch for his sexual harassment training. It goes by the name of "Debbie Does Dallas".

Anonymous said...

10/15/09 8:46 PM

This week, for the many workers and managers who haven't gotten around to taking their sexual harrassment training, several LANL organizations are offering an alternative 90-minute presentation that will fulfill the same requirement.

This whole panic and urgency to take this class by October 31 is an absolute joke. The key issue above is that our so called "managers" haven't gotten around to take the training so they are being offered an alternate class. Workers have been continually bombarded and harrassed for the last 4 months to take this class by our division management and now the panic is called off because Mikey and the boys have been too busy counting their bonuses, promotions, and concealed raises. This kind of special privilege attitude for the LANS managers and crappy treatment of the workers by the LANS managers continues to build animosity and resentment.

Anonymous said...

I only have three little words for you and your whiny friends, 8:35 am.

Fuck ... you ... all!

Oh, and don't expect any free cold weenies at next year's LANS (Bechtel) love fest. You're not invited to my next party.

- MIKEY

Anonymous said...

"This whole panic and urgency to take this class by October 31 is an absolute joke."


It's a joke, alright, but the joke is on you and all the other "little people" (twerps) who work under LANS. It's good to be a handsome prince in the King's court. LANS royalty has its privileges and perks.


(Sir Richard Marquez)