Who is going to win the NBCCRB (NNSA - Bechtel Corporate Cup Race to the Bottom): LANL, or LLNL?The comment below from the Dylan - Listen and Chill post is the COW that prompts the question. Until just recently I had LANL comfortably ahead, with a fine collection of accomplishments placing them well in the lead against our sister NNSA lab. I mean, the highly imaginative use of JB Weld at LANL -- this alone placed our proud organization in the top two of the competition.
When you throw in all of the other MOIs (Measures of Incompetence) implemented by the Bechtel holding company running the place, it was looking like LANL was a lock to win the prestigious NBCCRB cup. I refer of course to the highly-regarded LCP (Laptop Crippling Program), the very successful LLAOOEOTH (Let's Lose All Of Our Email Over The Holidays) project, the BWSOSITF (Bottled Water Shoot Ourselves In The Foot) initiative, and of course the novel RGGRQ (Radioactive Gold Get Rich Quick) program, it was looking like LANL was a shoe-in. After all: LANL staff proudly wear shoes that GRIP!
But, we can't rule out those Livermorons! They have traditionally been fierce competitors of ours. True to form, just when it was beginning to appear that LANL had an unbeatable lead, they come up with this:
-You LANL losers can eat it.
We Livermorons have numerous opportunities to keep our skills sharp by taking advantage of LLNL provided training.
On this afternoons agenda...Ladder and Stair Training - HS 5250.
Its why we lead in SCIENCE!
We Livermorons have numerous opportunities to keep our skills sharp by taking advantage of LLNL provided training.
On this afternoons agenda...Ladder and Stair Training - HS 5250.
Its why we lead in SCIENCE!
All I can say is: Team, don't let your guard down! The race isn't over until it's over! You might think you have a comfortable lead in this competition, but I'm warning you: those sneaks at LLNL are reading from the same playbook as you are, and they may have a few surprises still up their sleeves.
--Doug
Update, 6:10pm. It occurs to me that there is a perfect Dylan piece to accompany this post: Everything's Broken.
53 comments:
FAIL!
But does ladder and stair training include a section on shoes that grip?
dilbert of the day, seems appropriate for the blog.
http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/2009-08-20/
Mandatory ladder training, no shit? How appropriate for a CONSTRUCTION COMPANY!
Let's see now: two hours of mandatory ladder training for about 8,000 staff at, let's be generous: $450,000 per year per FTE, or about $216 per hour is
$3,456,000
Nice job, LANS! Nice job, NNSA!
Hey Dr. Chu: Heckofa operation you're running here. Are you as proud of your NNSA-sponsored Work Free Safety Zones as we are?
Oh, oh. They're gaining on us! From the
LLNL (mostly lame) Blog
is this comment:
"I heard from one of our safety people that in the very near future, LLNS will be purchasing a bicycle helmet for anyone who wants to ride a lab owned bicycle on site. It looks like you'll have to take a class, then get fitted for a helmet. The bicycles will all be posted that helmets are required and the special lab law (CA DOT does not require anyone over 18 to wear a bicycle helmet) will be strictly enforced . . . "
Quick! Somebody think up some new, inane training for us to take. Go Team!
Frank, please post this as a new topic under the heading:
HR Does It Again
In the latest saga of HR stupidity, Ben Glover sends out a master management memo on Thursday afternoon, less than 24 hours before the deadline for managers to complete employee performance assessments and extends the deadline to midnight Sunday. My worthless colleagues who had waited the 3 weeks they had to complete this process may have appreciated being let off the hook once again. I, however (and I KNOW I'm not alone in this), had spent numerous nights and weekends battling with the WORTHLESS Perform M Workbench (I have undergrads who could program a better application than this) in order to meet my management responsibilities and conform to the institutional deadline. Why bother?!?! Is Glover even thinking through this crap? He's got NO credibility! On a related note, I have continually been told by my generalist that a performance score will not be a part of the merit increase formula this year. However, when I ask what merit WILL be based on, I am told that HR-Compensation has not yet released this information. Why is THIS a secret? I understand there is a new Compensation manager--Bernie something--is this how he operates? More Rechtel way? Why am I to believe ANYthing that comes out of HR Division? Deadlines are not deadlines; information I need to be an effective manager is withheld from me; HR tools and systems are cumbersome at best and often do not work at all. HR should be reimbursing the Laboratory for the wasted time and effort required of managers trying to work through HR systems. (Maybe Bechtel should just write the check!)
Dylan: "Nothing's working. Everything broken."
Perfect.
While we're merrily waving the red flag in front of the Bechtel Bull, it might be useful to remind ourselves exactly how large and powerful the Bechtel Corporation is.
Here's one metric:
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7:03,
The point being, I presume, that Bechtel paid good, hard cash for the LANL contract, and the LANL contract will transfer when it is pried from Riley's cold dead hands.
Until then, wear shoes that GRIP!
And learn how to use a fucking ladder.
Just like a Livermoron to dis one of few safety courses that have some value outside of the workplace.
Just like a Livermoron to dis one of few safety courses that have some value outside of the workplace.
The commenter is right!
I should apologize!
I was wrong.....it wasn't Ladder and Stair Training - HS 5250....it was HS-5959 Stairway and Ladder Training
Sorry, my bad!
I was also pleased to find out that I have a myriad of opportunities to do postgraduate work in the following:
1)HS-5959-PE Extension Ladder Practical
2)HS-5959-PF Fixed Ladder Practical
3)HS-5959-PP Portable Step Ladder Practical
4)HS-5959-TTT Ladder Practical Train the Trainer
and of course, who could forget,
PE-5959 Ladder Hands On-Fixed, Portable, and Extension
I guess I take this if I want to study abroad.
(..for my fellow Livermorons that would be in another country...not a woman!)
Dear 7:34,
I realize that the "Best and Brightest" at LANL might require the full 2 hours for learning how to use a ladder, and I apologize sincerely for appearing disrespectful to your training requirements.
The fact that most of us "LiverMorons" have been capable of grasping the basics of how to go up a ladder, how to go down a ladder, and how to transport a ladder from point "A" to point "B", all without doing a Three Stooges impression is notwithstanding to the fact that our sister NNSA lab has "special" training requirements.
I hereby withdraw my previous derogatory statements regarding NNSA's new ladder training requirements. You are a true representative of today's LANL. Make the most of it.
Another Dylan lyric I've long thought perfectly captured the mindset of beaten-down LANL employees:
"I used to care, but things have changed."
"Quick! Somebody think up some new, inane training for us to take. Go Team!"
How to ride your bike/walk across the bridge. Big brother has been monitoring the bridge for a while...we need training on how to share the sidewalk with pedestrians. LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER!
Too obvious, 9:25. We need a mandatory training class that is more, ... ridiculous.
Wait! I've got it! We need to have NNSA require Coffee Pot training. Seriously. How to safely clean your office coffee pot. How to safely pour a cup from it. How to safely drink the last cup and sneak out without getting caught. You know, that kind of stuff.
D'Agostino, are you listening?
"I used to care, but things have changed."
8/20/09 8:14 PM
Now watch out for when I snap...
LANS keeps working extra hard to kill off productivity at LANL...
***
Changes to Virtual Private Network will improve Lab's information security
LANL Today, August 20, 2009
Laboratory employees can no longer access their e-mail from outside the Lab using the Virtual Private Network, or VPN.
The change was made to strengthen information security for employees working offsite, said Dale Land of Engineering and Engineering Sciences, chief information technology engineer.
Here's an update on the contaminated water at LANL that LANS encouraged everyone to drink because it was "safe"...
****
Drinking water temporarily provided at CMR and SM-132 as water testing continues
LANL Today, August 20, 2009
As a result of recent efforts to test drinking water sources across the Laboratory, managers of the Chemistry and Metallurgy Research (CMR) building August 5 received analysis results on eight drinking fountains and one kitchen sink.
The analysis revealed three drinking fountains exceeded the Environmental Protection Agency action level of 15 micrograms per liter for lead. One of those three also tested above the action level of 1.3 milligrams per liter for copper. Additionally, one of the eight drinking fountains tested positive for the presence of nonfecal coliform bacteria.
All drinking fountains and kitchen sinks at CMR that exceed EPA action levels and those that have not yet been tested have been labeled “out of service.” CMR employees were immediately notified that they should not obtain drinking water from bathroom sinks, janitors’ sinks, laboratory sinks, or other nonpotable water sources. Those sources have not been labeled “out of service” and may be used for hand washing.
Three drinking fountains at Technical Area 3, building 132 (adjacent to the Theoretical Division building) were found to have an elevated level of lead. Those fountains also have been tagged “out of service.”
These detections do not constitute a violation of the federal Safe Drinking Water Act. It is important to note that exceeding the action level, in and of itself, is not a violation of the regulation.
"I too used to care, but things have changed..."
Now I nap after lunch and take every other Friday off.
I can't wait for the accident report
"...he got a concussion when he fell out of his chair while he was sleeping..."
Safety moment "If you are going to sleep in your chair, apply one of the LLNL bicycle helmets before you fall asleep....
Hah! LLnL has NIF...how the fuck can you ever hope to compete with that? NIF is a showcase of LLnL incompetence. For example, all 192 beams were fired a few days ago but you didn't here a peep. And why, you ask? Well, it's fucked up, that's why. I should know, I am stuck trying to fix a list of fuck-ups that stretches beyond the horizon. In time you will see the unmasking of NIF, the biggest technological fuck-up of all time. You LANL guys are amateurs.
"It's why we lead in Science."
From the water testing apparantly we also lead in lead.
"In time you will see the unmasking of NIF, the biggest technological fuck-up of all time. You LANL guys are amateurs." - 8:39 AM
Well, we do have DAHRT. Perhaps LANL management can work with that machine and attempt to catch up with NIF in the f*cked-up awards. It will be hard, but we'll give it the ol' LANS try.
BTW, does LLNL keep issuing manager awards every time NIF mistakes are endlessly correctly over and over again like out at DAHRT? DAHRT's main purpose at LANL seems to be usage as some type of lab management award machine.
Since both NNSA for-profit lab companies, LANS and LLNS, are essentially the same outfits (Bechtel/BWXT/uc), it makes me wonder just how much planning and plotting goes on between these two profit based national lab LLCs. Anybody know?
I have a great idea for the Obama administration.
Apply the "Cash for Clunkers" idea to our sputtering NNSA research labs.
Trade in a badly broken and terribly inefficient LANL that has been run down by NNSA/LANS for a new LANL run by an ethical, top-rated, non-profit entity.
Anonymous 11:28, thanks for the nap training that will now be required. I'm sure they would much rather us take naps rather than be productive.
Dear 11:37,
Find me an ethical, top-rated, non-profit entity in todays world. It's obviously time to not only hit the reset button on LANL, but it's also time to hit the reset button on this failed Constitutional Republic.
We had a guy retire recently who was really down on the Lab. Poor bastard was a mere shadow of his former self. Almost suicidal. When asked what he was gonna do after retirement, he replied, "I going down to ABQ and suck dicks on East Central for about six months, 'til I can gain some self respect."
DARHT is certainly in close competition with NIF for the most fucked up DOE facility fiasco in history. Watch for the LANS geniuses to redefine success at a very rapid pace. Knapp is already calling for reduced performance (again). No matter what happens, you can be sure that Knapp will be recognized for his part in the success - no matter how much he contributed to the failure. Like NIF, DARHT just looks better and better while producing less and less and costing more and more. That is LANS for ya. Thank God it doesn't really matter.
THIS IS A WARNING TO X-DIVISION EMPLOYEES. Everything has been now set up for Brett Knapp to start getting rid of minorities, former managers, women, technicians, and senior employees over 40-years of age. MacMillian hired young ambitious managers to carry out ugly deeds for "The Hun" Knapp. The next stage is that he will request names of employees from his junior managers to transfer out of X-Division in trains. The next thing these employees will know is that they will be finding out (on Eudora) that they were transferred. This is how I found out. This all played-out in WT-Division and W-Division. Knapp has a very distorted and perverted view of what constitutes a "pure" Division which consists of young "pure" and under-paid workers. X-DIVISION IS ABOUT TO BE "CLEANSED". AUCH TUNGH!!
Poor bastard was a mere shadow of his former self. Almost suicidal.
8/21/09 12:58 PM
That describes a lot of people at the Lab. I am just waiting for someone to pull the trigger or down some cyanide on Lab property out of desperation to have someone pay attention to the abuse people go through under LANS.
Wow, you sissies need to get out in the real world.
Don't you realize that what has happened is a result of your own collective actions? Do you think NNSA just woke up one day and decided to end the UC contract because they are mean spirited? No, it was due to LANL failing to "get it" in numerous compliance areas.
Do you not understand the world evolved since you arrived at LANL? Do you not think the private sector did not change in the same time period?
You sissies are coddled even today, yet you whine endlessly here. If you don't like it, get out. Simple. Easy. If you are so incredibly valuable at what you do, then prove it by getting a job elsewhere.
You guys are fucking losers. Get a life. I can only hope you represent a tiny fraction of the LANL workforce.
Of course this blog is "moderated" so this will never see the light of day. Prove that you are not as bad as those you criticize and post this.
7:16 PM is Kevin Roark.
I guess it is time for me to stop whining and being a sissy. Could someone possibly help by forwarding the training video on that? I'll get myself certified right away. There just aren't any role models for manly types who call themselves Pinky.
Meet the majority of LANS' future work force.
Good luck managing those deteriorating, old nukes, America!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Morse Code: Test Results Should Be Wake-Up Call to Parents
By George Morse, Rio Grande Sun, Aug 20, 2009
I’ve written several columns over the years that try to spread the message that sports need to be put into perspective. Basically, there are more important things in life than sports, especially high school athletics.
Seeing how poorly Española Valley High School students did on the standardized tests drove that point home hard. According to the results released Aug. 3, only 8 percent of the students were proficient in math last school year.
This is disturbing. This and the fact that Española has the fourth-highest dropout rate in the state shows that having a winning basketball program does not translate into a good education.
This is what parents of Española Valley students should really be concerned about, not whether the coach was right to stall the ball or whether their child should be getting more playing time. First and foremost they should be worrying if their children are being educated and according to these statistics, they’re not.
There’s something really fishy going on here. According to one list released last school year, 80 juniors made the honor roll. If only 8 percent of those same students are proficient in math, something doesn’t add up. There are honor roll students who don’t know math.
Being on the honor roll used to mean something, but I wonder what it means now.
Math is one of those subjects where people will say, “Why do I need math?” Well, if you want a job at Los Alamos National Laboratory, you will likely need to know math.
www.riograndesun.com/articles/2009/08/21/
sports/doc4a8c3cd5ea498625230809.txt
7:16,
Coddled? How so? By working in rat- or mold-infested trailers? By being denied drinking water? By being given daily orders from toxic managers who barely have a basic educational degree? By taking a battery of training, most of which has little to do with your profession?
I've worked in industry. I may have sat in cubicle hell, but I did not have to cover up dead rats with a trashcan until the rat patrol could come over and clean up the mess. I also had the independence to carry out my job; here, I have several layers of management telling me what I CAN'T do rather than what I CAN do.
I seriously doubt you've worked here; if you have, you probably were housed in the NSSB or its like.
Doug said it best: Fuck You.
Like NIF, DARHT just looks better and better while producing less and less and costing more and more. That is LANS for ya. Thank God it doesn't really matter.
8/21/09 1:21 PM
Yes, it doesn't matter. This is the revelation that you can deduce from what's occurring at LANL under the management of Bechtel (a construction company, for goodness sakes!).
It's the key reason why LANS (Bechtel) can continue to lead LANL down into a sinking shit hole and yet it's of little concern to the rest of the nation.
Some policy think tanks, Perry and maybe DOD are gravely concerned about the dire situation at the NNSA research labs, but no one really listens to any of these people any more.
There are much better places to work as a research scientist. Get out if you can. It will save you from the stress and pain of watching this place go under.
7:16 Let me second Doug's Fuck You salute. I'm sure you are either a LANS insider, a moron, or Kevin Roark - not that those categories are mutually exclusive. Most of the 5-10 thousand employees at LANL have worked elsewhere and do recognize the difference between a shitty work environment and one that fosters productivity, teamwork, and high standards of conduct. It is those people who post here, work the margins, and generally recognize the serious failures of LANS, Bechtel, and the DOE. They bring those failures to the attention of anyone who will listen because they are patriots who hate to see hard won talents and US national security waste away for the sake of a few rich construction company managers, a few political appointees, and a few bureaucrats. Yes, 7:16, I'm talking to YOU.
2:51-
It's achtung, not Auch Tungh. Guess you never took German in school.
7:16 PM sounds almost exactly like my boss. He came here from Bechtel by the way. He gives us this talk about once a month in our staff meetings. It is really good for morale and productivity. Several people in our organization have quit. They would have liked to have kept their jobs but they could not stand it any longer. If this were the military, he would have taken a bullet to the back of the head on his way to the latrine by now. Most of us are hoping a blood vessel in his head will rupture or he will get in a bad car accident on his way to work. We would be able to get some work done if that happened. We might even start to feel good about ourselves again. I feel sorry for his family. They must have it really rough.
CAREFULLY CONSIDER YOUR OPTIONS:
* ORNL is hiring 50 new staff members a month.
* Unlike LANL, they are getting millions in stimulus money to use for scientific research.
* They may have the fastest supercomputer in the world by this fall (Jaguar). This, thanks to massive infusions of stimulus money.
* They are run by a non-profit for about the same cost that LANL was once run ($10 million per year, not an obscene $200 million!).
* The ORNL non-profit is dedicated to *science* and not production (Y-12 is a completely separate production facility run by the dysfunctional NNSA while ORNL is run by DOE for the sole purpose of scientific research).
* The DOE energy labs will be seeing huge growth over this next decade while the NNSA weapon labs will be shrinking. It's clear what the future path for LANL and LLNL will be under NNSA's Complex Transformation plan (30% reductions at a minimum!)
* Oak Ridge sits not too far from the beautiful Smokey Mountain National Park.
* Many good scientists from LANL have already flooded into ORNL for a chance to work in a healthier science environment.
* The FTE costs are lower and the support people are actually helpful! The management-to-staff ratios are sane.
* The water is drinkable, the facilities have been upgraded and are new, and the restrooms are clean and stocked with the essentials.
* No mandated crappy systems like Concurs for travel!
* No endless online training for inane things like ladder and stairway safety!
* You will not be constantly hounded with stupid slogans like: "Wear shoes that GRIP!"
* Their Director drives his very own car, not a LLC supplied luxury sports car.
* And the best thing of all.... NO BECHTEL!!!
In fact, if you can swing it, almost any of the DOE energy labs would offer a much better environment for doing scientific research than the sick and demoralized NNSA labs (LANL and LLNL).
Think about it, NNSA wants a 5% attrition rate at LANL for next year and LANS executives are eager to help them reach this goal for their bonus. Why work for these jerks any longer? Hell, it's become increasingly clear that they want the research staff to leave! Oblige them their wish.
Actually, 9:04 PM, I would lay odds on the biggest back-stabbing two-faced pussy at LANL ... Terry Wallace.
From 10:22 PM, "Coddled? How so? By working in rat- or mold-infested trailers? By being denied drinking water? By being given daily orders from toxic managers who barely have a basic educational degree? By taking a battery of training, most of which has little to do with your profession?"
Yeah, exactly. More data to prove the abuse from above. Mary Neu finally got rid of another group leader this week. He had two strokes. Way to go! Hope you are happy and enjoy counting all your bonus money. Is it really worth it Neu?
Who exactly would that be 6:22?
Knapp's approach is to say, "you don't have the right *kind* of experience", and then hire high-school graduates to replacement experienced Group Leaders. The new serfs (who otherwise couldn't manage a McDonalds) are loyal to the Emperor despite his lack of clothing.
Sounds like Neu could learn a thing or two. It also sounds like her directorate will also be run by high school graduates soon as all the Phd's who don't have the right *kind* of experience are leaving.
Good job Bechtel. Good job LANS. Way to go DOE. Nice, NNSA. Thanks for the support, UC.
You are witnessing "Complex Transformation" at its finest. LANS has deliberately run out hundreds of highly-trained professionals with 10, 20 or 30 years experience and replaced them with idiots so that the monkey work can begin. Soon Bechtel will be collecting hundreds of millions per year for pushing ladder training and shoes that grip onto bureaucrats, and an entourage of Kevin York-style yes men. Only the country and those who stay will suffer. It was nice knowing you, Los Alamos Scientific Laboratory. Adios.
"LANS has deliberately run out hundreds of highly-trained professionals with 10, 20 or 30 years experience and replaced them with idiots so that the monkey work can begin." - 4:23 PM
The "monkey work" is more easily managed by LANS, thus increasing their annual profit fees. It only involves making sure there are absolutely no safety or security infractions. Productive work isn't a concern with LANS.
A decade from today, America will slowly begin to realize they've lost almost all the nation's hard won expertise in designing and properly monitoring the nation's nuclear weapons. Even today, there are signs that foreign allies of the US are beginning to have growing doubts about our nuclear umbrella. They have good reasons to be concerned.
Unfortunately in the not too distant future I fear another Manhattan Project type effort will be needed in America. I have my doubts that this country can roll up their shirtsleeves and produce another successful Manhattan Project in a timely fashion. So tragic. However, the good news is that we will all be trained in safety classes regarding bike helmets and ladders while wearing shoes that grip.
11:55 AM, the GL you are referring to has a name. He was my friend Tony Beugelsdijk and he passed away on Friday. That makes it two people that Mary Neu's brutal management tactics has killed in Chemistry. Wes Efurd reportedly committed suicide and now Tony Beugelsdijk. Double bonus round for Neu.
"Wes Efurd reportedly committed suicide and now Tony Beugelsdijk. Double bonus round for Neu." (12:25 PM)
This is truly tragic and sad to hear. Both of these two men were old timers at LANL and well respected.
Mary Neu has driven off several world class scientists at LANL during her reign of terror. It's sad to hear that her nasty ways may have contributed in driving others completely over the edge. Mary Neu is a pig!
How can LANS let someone like Mary stay in her position of power and continue to abuse staff? Shame on you, LANS! But, of course, we've come to slowly learn that LANS top management knows no shame. They only know the smell of money.
Here's a recent article about the important work Tony was doing at LANL to monitor pandemics:
LANL, UCLA study monitoring of pandemics
Santa Fe New Mexican, June 12 '09
www.santafenewmexican.com/
HealthandScience/
LANL--UCLA-study-monitoring-of-pandemics
3:01 PM, Mary's motto is if you don't like it, then leave. Mikey likes, and I mean realy likes the saddle-bag "blonde".
Mikey likes, and I mean realy likes the saddle-bag "blonde". (4:20 PM)
The million dollar question has to be asked... why??? The situation with Neu and the way she abuses most of her employees is really sick.
"Wes had a fatal heart attack you idiots." - 9:35 PM
Thanks for informing us 'idiots', Mary. I'm sure you had absolutely nothing to do with it, right?
Excuse me 7:03, but Wes looked like he was about to have a heart attack for years. How did LANL or Mary cause his death. I'm not asking for medical details, but some example of specifically stress inflicted on him would be worthwhile to know.
I'm not Mary! Just someone who knew Wes and his family.
7:03,
Now might be a good time to remind you that assuming you know the identity of another anonymous contributor usually accomplishes one thing: it makes you look stupid. As I suspect this is not your ultimate goal, I suggest you stop doing that.
Or, keep doing it! We appreciate the comic relief. Your choice.
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