Nov 4, 2009

Monkey see...

Our COW this week addresses the sincerest form of flattery. From the "If it wasn't for bad luck, wouldn't have no luck at all." post:

It's informative to know that the LLNS management out in California has started a LLNL Sponsored Employee Blog at the exact same time that LANS decided to form one. No coincidence. A couple to things to note. It's pretty obvious that this Blog and the Livermore Blog are a real craw in LLNS, LANS, and NNSA managements shorts. Also, lets give LANS, LLNS, and NNSA management a lot of credit for making their first and really tough decision: Let's make our own Blog. It had to have been a PBI.


Anonymous said...

I cannot get to the LANL blog.

Do I need to be on the LANL internal network?

Doug Roberts said...

Yes, 5:07. The contents of the LANL "Perform" blog are 'secret'.
Outsiders not permitted.

Anonymous said...

OK, the how is the DOE going to see what is on the blog?

Anonymous said...


DOE will only see what LANS allows them to see. LANS controls access to their blog. Nobody sees it that they don't want to see it. The same goes for LLNL, of course.

Anonymous said...


You mean that *everybody* can see the 'LANL, The Rest of the Story' blog, but only a few select internal viewers can see the new LANL and LLNL corporate blogs?

Boy, those corporate wonks really are slow learners. Maybe the whole "for profit" thing wasn't such a good idea after all. I mean really. What I am writing right now will be read by reporters at the New York Times, the LA Times, DOE, and by staffers in the Office of the President (USA).

In contrast, whatever corporate dreck is posted by Bechtel to the 'quote' "Perform" blog will be read by...

LANL and LLNL employees, only?

Sanity check: is the new corporate blog plan really as stupid as it sounds?

For this, LANS gets $89 million a year?

Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...

From all appearances, the internal, LANS blog is designed to assuage the guilt felt by senior management for having never listened to their thousands of subordinates on a long list of important issues. Now they can say, "Look, we listen!" while they peruse a highly filtered set of information from a a few highly-vocal suck-asses. Nothing will change.

Anonymous said...

"The LANS "Perform" blog is home to a few highly vocal suck-asses."

Soon to be reported in the New York Times by an official LANL, The Real Story spokesperson.

Anonymous said...

7:31 PM, this is why great chemistry people like Bill Tumas, Tom Baker, Al Sattelberger, Woody Woodruff ... have all left the lab. Wallace is scraping his fingernails to keep Dave Clark, Jenn Hollingsworth and Victor Klimov happy and in NM. Money can't flow any faster to these folks if there was a presidential mandate.

Thief said...

It's pretty obvious that this Blog and the Livermore Blog are a real craw in LLNS, LANS, and NNSA managements shorts.

Yes! I too was troubled by my fellow Livermorons inability to spell or string together coherent thoughts and adequately constructed sentences in blog posts.

Coincidentally this is also an issue concerning official documentation generated at LLNL.

You guys at Los Alamos simply aren't up to the task of torturing the English language like we are at LLNL.

(Of course we are all pikers compared to the million chimps pounding the million typewriters at DOE Headquarters.)


Anonymous said...

"I cannot get to the LANL blog." - 5:07 PM

It's an internal web site, 5:07 pm, but don't worry. I'm sure labbie posters will be dumping material from this new LANS blog on this site from time to time for all the world to see. And really great stuff it is! Stuff like this....

"DIR’s Safety Improvement Plan (SIP) Predicts to Prevent Injuries"

(A smiling Rich Marquez photo is attached)

October 7th, 2009 by adminperf

Rich Marquez, LANL’s executive director, is leading the effort to turn the Director’s Offices’ safety improvement plan (SIP) into actions.

Director’s Offices include the Director’s staff as well as the Ethics and Audits Office, Community Programs Office, Prime Contracts Office, Chief Financial Office, Ombuds Office, Equal Opportunity and Diversity Office, Contractor Assurance Office, Chief Information Office, Cyber Security Office, Communications and Government Affairs, and Legal Counsel (approximately 570 people).

“The entire SIP process, from planning to execution, is a collaborative effort between the leaders of the institutional offices and the Director’s worker safety and security team (WSST),“ says Marquez. Both groups predicted what they thought would be the next event that would result in an injury to one of their workers.

What were the predictions? One was a slip, trip, or fall. The second was an ergonomic injury. Most of the 570 employees work in an office environment. So, while these predictions are no surprise, they represent real events that can cause real injuries. The exercise was valuable because it raises awareness and emphasizes if you can predict, then you can prevent.

“We are taking real actions to reduce the probability of injuring ourselves or a co-worker,” says Ned Harris, co-chair of the DIR WSST.

The DIR SIP DIR Safety Improvement Plan (pdf) contains safety goals directed at reducing the probability of a slip, trip, or fall, or an ergonomic injury.

The plan includes specific actions to ergonomically evaluate working environments and implement recommended improvements, to identify uneven surfaces and repair them, and to promote safe worker behaviors. “We are taking real actions to reduce the probability of injuring ourselves or a co-worker,” says Ned Harris, co-chair of the DIR-WSST.

An important component of the plan is the use of employee and management observation programs which are a great way to re-enforce safe behavior and communicate to one another that we care about each other’s safety,” says Marquez.

If you can predict events that cause injuries, then you can take actions to reduce the probability of injuries.

What is going to cause the next injury to someone in your organization? What is your directorate doing to try and prevent it? Review your organization’s SIP and do what you can to prevent injuries in your organization!

Comments (1) -

"I loved reading this information in the more relaxed form." (adminperf)

Note to clueless... LANL commenter "adminperf" is the same person who wrote the article. I have to wonder what she means by "the more relaxed form". Seeing as she met with Rich Marquez to write the article, the mind goes wild with the possibilities!

Oh, and don't forget.. keep wearing those shoes that GRIP!

Anonymous said...

How about this little gem for the LANS corporate blog:

"Social media, collaborations, and new attitudes"

October 1st, 2009 by adminperf

A goal of this blog will be to improve and influence the performance of individuals and our organization. Performance influences actions such as innovation. A recent conference on this topic sponsored by the Financial Times brought forward some new thoughts that can be integrated into our performance.

Many speakers believe the economic downturn will accelerate new forms of innovation. One new concept is that of powerful collaboration among “digital natives,” young people who have grown up with ubiquitous computer skills. This familiarity with abundant communication channels will allow them to teach organizations about working in larger collaborations. Much innovation can take place with this new generation that is pushing change.

A Kodak representative spoke about the need to motivate performance so that the company’s culture could be reshaped. To move away from their film system they spent six months creating a new vision that was based on their wealth of intellectual property. Kodak is an example of innovators trying to perform under a legacy mindset that was preventing innovation. The company now has a shared vision still based on producing “Kodak moments,” but with digital technology.

The Lab is approaching an exciting moment in history that should accelerate new forms of innovation through new types of performance. We need to be open to new attitudes, new social media, new collaborations and innovation as the job of every employee.

Innovation must excite the heart in order to accelerate performance.


Apparently, LANS corporate executives want everyone to know that they read fancy-shmanzy magazines like the Financial Times of London. And they can "get down" with the young 'uns, too!

Perhaps we'll soon be allowed to Twitter, Instant Message and P2P file share on the Yellow net. Keeeewl!!!

Oh, wait a minute... no we won't. We can't even receive Emails on holidays and ZIP file attachments are never allowed. In fact, even PDFs are banned from downloading from time to time and restrictive "glove box" computing is coming to the lab. Plus, practically all orders for software outside of a few items like MS Office or Oracle must now be OK'ed with CYA exception paperwork signed by the lab's CIO. Bummer, dude.

Anonymous said...

"I too was troubled by my fellow Livermorons inability to spell or string together coherent thoughts"

I think what is more troubling is nobody seems to pay much attention to the myriad of gaffs posted by LANL 'word smiths'(drunks). No wonder the place is so screwed up.

"OK, the how is the DOE going to see what is on the blog?"

We await your apology.

Anonymous said...

HUH??? Wasn't Al Sattelberger fired?

Since you brought it up, how is it that a guy who couldn't get tenure at U Michigan is now on the faculty at Northwestern??? Northwestern's ranking went down in my book.

Also, didn't Woody retire?

Anonymous said...

11/4/09 9:48 PM - So the person behind adminperf must be either really dumb or really well paid. Why else would s/he accept such a pathetic job?

Anonymous said...

I *knew* LANS could do it! Finally there is a position at the lab that deserves even less respect than Kevin Roark and the fine job of lying that he does. Pretty sad what people will do for money.

Anonymous said...

Pretty classy, "adminperf". Commenting on a story you wrote saying how swell it was. You could have at least made the comment anonymously.

What? The new LANS "Perform" blog doesn't allow anonymous comments? Oh.

Still, pretty classy.

But don't worry, LANS will probably allow anonymous comments on their blog soon. And they won't track IP addresses. Really. Promise.

Anonymous said...

"restrictive "glove box" computing is coming to the lab."


Anonymous said...

I think what is more troubling is nobody seems to pay much attention to the myriad of gaffs posted by LANL 'word smiths'(drunks). No wonder the place is so screwed up.

Indeed, 11/5/09 7:41 AM. And you will set all of us drunks straight with your own 'gaffs'.

It is actually spelled gaffes. Thanks for giving me something to smile about this morning.

Doug Roberts said...

Internet Rule #4, Skitt's Law applies here.

Anonymous said...

"restrictive "glove box" computing is coming to the lab."


11/5/09 9:17 AM

you heard that right, 9:17: Glovebox Computing.

Your office workstation will be placed in a physical glovebox, courtesy of Thomas Harper, the Lab's CIO. He just thinks it looks better this way.

You will be able to see you computer but won't be able to reach half of the keys on the keyboard. The screen will be set to play the sexual harassment training video and loop through the rss feed from the new Performance Blog.

Evidently, at Bechtel, these are considered to be some of the best business practices to improve workers' morale.

Anonymous said...

"DOE will only see what LANS allows them to see."
--11/4/09 5:20PM

Given that Richard Marques--world reknown sexual harasser, came from the DOE it's probably safe to assume the DOE really has no problem seeing as little as possible. "I see nothink...I hear nothink min commandant!" is what comes to mind.

Anonymous said...

"The Lab is approaching an exciting moment in history..." (LANS Performance Blog)

Yeah, it's "exciting" at LANL, if by that you mean it's like sitting in a fast moving roller-coaster that is rapidly heading down the hump towards a large brick wall at the bottom.

That type of "excitement" really gets the adrenaline running, doesn't it? I wonder if there is still time to get off the LANS/NNSA "thrill ride" before it comes to an abrupt and ugly halt?

Anonymous said...

Hummm... the new blog is going to really change things here at LANL... hold on to your hats! Frank, Doug - you may be put out of business (LOL):

We do not accept "anonymous" comments however.

When participating in the Performance Blog employees accept responsibility for these guidelines:

* The blog is not intended for Official Use Only information (OUO), confidential information, and/or Personal Identification Information (PII).
* The blog is for reasonable discourse based on fact or informed opinion. It is not a forum for blatant or veiled personal attacks or a place to vent one's hostility or anger about a person, policy or issue.
* Comments should address Lab performance, policies, practices, or issues directly affecting the Lab. Comments should be relevant to a broad segment of employees. The moderator will determine the relevancy of comments.
* Comments considered to be mean-spirited, libelous, inappropriate or contrary to stated guidelines will not be accepted. You will be notified via e-mail when a comment has been rejected.

Doug Roberts said...

I guess we'll just have to learn how to handle the pressure, 7:48.


Competition is what makes us all stronger, right?

Anonymous said...

Aww come on now be nice....UNM Football Coach Mike Locksley is as effective as Dr. Anastasio but gets paid 50k less! Both have hard strategic decisions to make. Cut both these guys a break!

Now you can enjoy relaxed reading the new LANS(al) Blog in the privacy of your own cubicle, as you have extra time now that LANS has installed the new NNSA approved security speed bumps!

Anonymous said...

The main purpose of the new LANS blog is to 'puff-up' LANS top level management. The story on Rich Marquez and the supposedly wonderful job he's doing is just a taste of what's to come.

Anonymous said...

Etymology: French, GAFF, gaffe

what a dumb shit